I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Sorry about my life...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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