i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
