You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
