i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
