Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
