i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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