You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
