i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
two words: eviction party
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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