I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
