apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
