That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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