Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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