At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
