bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
