Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
