I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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