if you like me you must not know who I am
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
