is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
