i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
