I am full of burrito and curiosity
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
