If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
