OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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