they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
