Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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