you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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