Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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