i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize