tell your sister to shave her snatch
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
