people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
