just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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