My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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