Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
