Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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