Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
