he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
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I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
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I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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