well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
