That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
