At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
