I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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