I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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