I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
