So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
