We named our party play list daddy issues
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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