Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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