it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
