Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
