i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
