Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
