I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
