she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
