ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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