she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
