I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
How does it feel to date your dad?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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