so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
