Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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