I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
