So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
two words...techno handjob
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He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
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I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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