now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i drank out of a bidet.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
