There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
