I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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