I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
