just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
