Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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