the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
