ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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