1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
