idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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