Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
