I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
