will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
