I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
my shit smells like andre
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
